This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
