I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
