he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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