I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
