remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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