Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
