Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
