My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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