He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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