i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
