I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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