ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
two words...techno handjob
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
