The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
