You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
