you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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