Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
