just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
