; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
