I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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