bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
