I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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