I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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