Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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