walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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