i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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