Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
