I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
