I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
