Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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