Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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