Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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