wrigley field is MILF paradise
oh god the rape fog is back!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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