I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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