i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
