Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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