the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
