thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
