Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
