FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
