her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
