So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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