So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
