I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
