god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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