i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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