Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
