So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
