You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize