hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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