He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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