if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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