you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
