I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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