she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
