I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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