well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
