I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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