I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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