ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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