I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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