I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
