ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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