I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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