I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this boner is exhausting
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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