wrigley field is MILF paradise
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
