You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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