u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
