His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
