Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
