I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
zippers are such a cool invention
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
